My life's not a bed of roses. I'm just really really good at pretending everything's dandy.
Today's
my birthday. Meant to be a special happy day where there is celebration
and preferably lots of alcohol involved. However, that is not to be.
Besides
the issue of having to work tomorrow (I do not believe in taking leave
for birthdays, but I believe in partying till dawn then taking MC the
next day. I'm superficially hardworking like that.), there's a major family catastrophe taking place. It is the kind where it sucks all the
happiness out of a home, infuses it with a gloom that makes colours grey
and sounds muted, and makes you feel guilty should you even dare to think about having fun.
Despite the tone of this post, it is no laughing matter.
This is just the way I deal with things that hurt, really hurt. I laugh them
off. Not because I'm an unfeeling bitch, its because if I didn't laugh,
all that would be left to do is cry. Which leads to hysterics and just
makes matters worse instead of better.
Anyway, because
of this catastrophe, my mum's wasting away. It has only been a day since we found out about it and when I saw her this morning, I could actually see her
physically wasting away. She's gone pale, with a haunted vacant look in
her eyes, and when I call her during the day to check on her, she speaks
in this fake cheery paper-thin voice which I have never ever heard her use before.
Hence,
on my birthday, I will go home instead of partying, eat the home-cooked
dinner (porridge, by the way) instead of sumptuous food outside, and
stay with my mum and provide her with what support I can.
It
sucks and I will be truthful to say that I'm more than a little upset
that this year's birthday will be spent in such gloom, but she has
given the whole of her life and youth to the family. So for all the
years that she has spent on me, I don't think a day in exchange (however
special) is too much to ask for.
It
isn't her fault anyway.
I CURSE THE BLOODY BITCH WHO IS THE CAUSE OF THIS. I HOPE SHE DIES.
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